12 January 2025 #IwonderwhatJesusplans
I start planning my spiritual resolutions around the final Sunday in the liturgical year, thinking about things that need to be changed in my life so that I can draw closer to the Lord. I spend some time in Adoration listening to what the Lord has to say and paying close attention to what touches my heart. Ever since Fr. Dave gave a daily homily on resting with the Lord while we wait for His birth, I can’t get that thought, this idea of rest, out of my mind nor away from my heart. So REST is my word-of-the-year.
The thing is, the year’s word never plays out as I think it will. Last year’s word was DEATH, as my Dad’s death was big in the window and it wasn’t a word I could escape. Little did I know that his timely death had nothing to do with the real reason the Lord laid that on my heart: I needed to die to self, pick up my cross and follow Him. It’s been quite a tumultuous year in many respects; I felt the sting of death-to-self every time I was over-ruled or over-worked or over-committed. I learned a lot this year about the way the Lord works, and the constant reminder that His plans are there not to bring me woe but to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
The first year I did word-of-the-year, I was a youngish thing to parish ministry, though long in years and wise in life experience.
Like the good people in Luke’s Gospel today, I was “filled with expectation” and “asking in my heart” if this work was finally the culmination – or atonement – for a life fully-lived. I was super excited to have one word come up again and again in my prayer: WAR. Since I was in the business of drawing souls deeper into a life with Christ, I fancied myself as a modern-day Joan of Arc, riding my big black steed into battle against Satan. I would engage in this war for the Good, True, and Beautiful, converting souls, rescuing the captives, and come out victorious. I’d just spent seven years in intellectual formation at the University of St. Thomas, while learning how the faith ought to be lived out in Catholic Studies. I knew how to train leaders, fight for the faith in word and deed, and take orders from my King. I was well-prepared for battle.
Alas. Much to my dismay, I went to war with God. It was an epic battle of wills, you see. His will verses my will. I fought long and hard, with every fiber of my being. I wanted things my way, not His, and I would fight to the death to make it so. I wonder if John the Baptist ever went to war with God, thinking that his plan was better than His Way, for I’m pretty sure John’s plan didn’t include his head on a silver platter. But God’s plan did - John must decrease so that Jesus could increase. That’s just the way everything needed to play out. Like John, who must have surrendered his own hopes and dreams, I raised my own white flag as well. God’s will be done.
I’m not sure how REST will play out, but I envision sweet hours in the Adoration chapel, a balanced work/life scale, coffee/lunch with good friends, and more time curled up in my prayer chair. A gentle re-birth as it were, refreshed by the Lord’s waters of REST.
#IwonderwhatJesusplans